Friday, April 29, 2011

customer stupidity

me: what can i get you?
customer: what are your specials?
me: $2 natty light, $2.25 shots
customer: so your bud light  isnt on sale?
me:no
customer: whats on draft?
me: PBR, Michelob,Natty, Guiness
customer: can i get a pithcer of bud light
me: did i say we had bud light?
customer: no.
me: ok pick again


god. no wonder people dont tip me all the time.. hahaha

Thursday, April 28, 2011

boobies and more boobies

so this is a tale from a bouncer... yes i know not a bartender, but sometimes you have to get other peoples stories....

most girls with big boobs have a hard time wearing certain clothing.. well certain clothing mean halter tops and the one shoulder sleeve. not to mention strapless bras are horrible... well anyways.. girl has this one shoulder sleeve shirt on... and shes out on the floor dancing her little heart out.... not a care in the world...and all of a sudden ... pop... out pops a boobie...and she just kept dancing ...after a few seconds her friend of all people realized pushed it back in her shirt.. but not before about 40 people saw it....and its on video.. hahah.. morale of the story... wear clothes appropriate for your body.,

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

i am getting a dog

yes it is true,.,.. i am getting a cute little puppy...(lord help me) i finally decided i am home enough and trust myself enough to get a dog... and i am super excited... and i promise not to feed it beer, liqueur, or anything else bad for it.. i promise to walk it and clean it and make sure it poops in the yard. i feel grown up enough now to actually care for it... i hope...this dog will be the most expensive thing i have ever bought so heck yeah i am gonna take care of it..
its going to be a cute little goldendoodle.. and i havent decided on a name yet.. either Belini, or Mascato. (of course alcohol is involved in those names)... but i am super excited so wish me luck....

















Tuesday, April 26, 2011

lunch time

not a lot of people know we are actually open during the daytime for lunch.. mainly because no one has really advertised yet... not sure what they are waiting on... but either way we are.. we usually get the same people in , you know our regulars.. which is fine i love most of them. but then there is that new person who comes in.. feels way out of place because everyone else in there knows everyone. so when this happens i try my best to be nice and help them out with the order... and when you dont come in for food and you just come in and order : the tallest, cheapest draft, it throws me off. and especially when you are wearing sweat pants, have crazy hair, and have the cell phone glued to your ear.. dont get me wrong i am all about day drinking.. but come on.. at least have some class to day drinking... i am just saying i am all about new people and customers coming in, but i love my regulars...

Monday, April 25, 2011

easter weekend

so being on a college campus our main business is of course college students! so in the summer, or on breaks we usually are significantly less busy. which is fine because it gives me time to chat with my friends and kinda hang out... but when the college is gone. the weirdos come out.. the just know its in the air.. oh my god wittenberg left, so we must got to the bar.

well either way, they are still the townies, which i am from town so i know what its like to be defines as a townie.. but lets talk about the 'south side townies' who come in . their pants are to their freaking ankles, their awesome flat brims are crisp and new.. and the got that $20 bill wrapped around a bunch of $1 dollar bills burning a whole in their pocket.... ...these are the townies i dont particularly care for.. they think they are high class thugs... and its so annoying. they say like 'yo', 'hey baby' or some other obnoxious saying from a rap video adn then want the same drinks from a rap video like goose or patron or tanqueray. so ridic.. anyways the only good part about these townies are most are servers so SOME know how to tip....

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

are you hungover or are you prego?






how do you know if you are hungover?? here are the top reasons on how to know if you are hungover and not prego!!!!






1. you wake up still drunk....



2. you have the headache from hell..



3. your mouth is so dry water doesnt do the trick right away



4. the sunlight "burns" your eyes when you stumble out of your room...



5. crying kids, barking dogs, or anything else that makes noise is 10 times louder than usual



6. throwing up (this could mean you are prego, get a test)



7. being super tired



8. you could seriously drink a gallon of anything at this point!



9. you could have loss of appetite, or go the other route and want to bash food



10. the poops..






now do i need to put symptoms of being prego. i know some of these could mean prego, but most likely if you went out drinking heavily the night before its defiantly a hangover. now if you did not go out drinking go see a doctor... you are probably prego.

Friday, April 15, 2011

ten little things

so after years of being a bartender i have decided to let everyone know ten little things a bartender wants from her customers!!! (at least me) so lets pay attention here! 10. know what you want before you come to the bar to place your order! i dont want to have to wait for you and your friends to talk about what they want.. i have other people to serve. 9. TIP... when it cost you $4.75 please dont wait for your quarter. its a freaking quarter. you cant even buy gum with it anymore. i would like that and maybe even a dollar.. tip your bartender or they will not be nice to you and sometimes will not even serve you. 8. dont ask me to make it "extra "strong.. you are going to get it how i make every other drink... especially if you do not tip.... if i dont know you why the hell would i want to make your drink extra special. 7. if you do not know what drink you ordered last time dont say that one drink... do you know how many drinks i know how to make. a ton.. so that one drink could mean anything to me. 6. if you are not 21 do not come to the bar and try to order. do not take a drink off the bar. most likely i do not know you and you are not worth me getting in trouble for . be smart and go away from the bar and drink. stupid kids. 5. wait your turn.... dont yell "HEY" and my name or anything else.. it will not get your served any faster. in fact i may take my time to serve you now.. 4. know exactly how many drinks or shots you want before i start making it.. its really a pain in the ass to make 1 shot.... 3. please open a tab... i hate hate hate running credit cards.. it takes my time up . and they are a bitch to add at the end of the night. if you open a tab means less credit cards 2. please and thank you goes a long way.. 1. be nice... dont argue with me.. chances are you are drunk and i am sober.. you are never right.. i am always right. the golden rule people. your parents should have taught you that. when you are nice to me.. i am going to be a hell of a lot nicer to you and be quicker to serve you...

Monday, April 11, 2011

monkeys?


so after a long weekend, a bachelor party and the zoo i am beat... lets recap.... so friday night bartending.... once again busy busy night.. and to be honest not a thing happened worth writing about... the only thing is some dumb kid that is not 21 kept pretending to take a shot off of the mat i was pouring it on. and to be honest thats pretty lame.... however on saturday is a different story... my best friend walsh had his bachelor party at the bar.... it was fun. i saw a ton of people i usually dont see.. and he got wasted... and he is still feeling it today... so as a bartender i did a great job...


now on sunday i went to the zoo... took my friends kids... it was a beautiful day. and the highlight of my weekend... i saw 2 monkeys doing it.. yes it happened.. and it happened with a baby monkey on their shoulders.. and as soon as it happened the whole room full of adults burst out laughing......so yes that was the highlight of my weekend.....

Friday, April 8, 2011

the masters is on


its that time.. golf time.. the masters is on. so all day long ive had to watch golf... listen to golf, and talk golf..... it does get old after awhile.. its just not an exciting sport to watch.. dont get me wrong i do like to play it.. when i drink.... but as i have been watching this i notice a player... and apparently hes super young and super good.... and he is the talk of the bar all day long... and like i said before i am not any kind of golf expert at all.... but it still baffles me that yet again someone way younger than me will make more on this tourny than i will make in my life.. dammit. i always thought i should have started playing golf early on... just think i could have played golf in college and paid way less im pretty sure.. and even pursued it after.. they always need and want women players.... for any sport.... i would even design my own golf clothing line.. well you just wait.. when i have kids they are starting golfing right when they walk... just wait... my kid will be the next mcllory...

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

its confession time


so.. beign a bartender i see a lot... and i hear a lot.. and when i say a lot.. i mean a lot.... i see who goes home with who, who is cheating on who and who just made out with who.. it doesnt matter how big of a secret yopu try to keep ot.. i know.. and if i dont see it, you better bet once the bar closes we all talk about it.... its what alcohol does to people..



do you know how often i hear stuff that i really wish i never heard.. weird stuff like how someone takes pix of his peeps, and just leaves it open on his phone at the bar so people can see it..


not to mention i see a lot of break ups and rejections.. and i see boys making girls cry, girls making other girls cry and so on ... being a bartender is pretty funny... and you see some pretty funny things.

Monday, April 4, 2011

I always love it when people leave their tab open over night at the bar.. and then they come in the next day or a few days later to pick it up.. they usually look pretty rough... and mondays are the worst days ever to work.. we get what seems like a million phone calls asking if their credit card and or id is there.. were you really that black out you dont remember if you closed your tab or not...which is fine.. ive been there i think.. and it happens all the time... but get off your lazy asses and look in your pant pockets, or jacket pockets because it is supper annoying when you call me and ask if its there.. especially when you know its at the bar.. what am i gonna do drive it to your house? i also love that when a person comes in to sign their tab from the previous night they never ever tip.. espcially when they see it and obviously spent tooo much.... we have a box full of ids and credit cards no one has ever came back for.. really you guys are not missing anything??? i know its 25 bucks to get a new id.. and who knows about credit cards... if i ever needed to make some extra cash i would totally sell all the extra ids we have.. they are all of age.. man i should do that... makes up for all the dbags that dont tip.. hhahaha

Sunday, April 3, 2011

what my momma taught me

so saturdays are usually our busy days.. and last night we had a awsome party,,, and when i say awsome i mean it was the lamest party a soriety and fraternity has ever had i am pretty sure.. their theme was kindergarten.... ok that may be an ok theme for a house party but really at the bar..a bunch of people dressed up like like some weirdo 1985 people.. and then played songs from disney movies... ok well besides their cool party.... lets talk about respecting your bartender,,, that means be nice, wait your turn dont yell.. you know treat others like you want to be treated kinda thing.. constantly this is an everyday battle.. why??? can someone please answer me why. i have thrown more people out for disrespecting me than i have for anything else... my momma taught be do not let anyone disrespect me.. and ill be dammed if anyone does..... so last night i threw a dbag out because he was not very nice to me.. so lets recap. be nice to your bartender.. wait patiently.. sometimes they are busy and cant always get to you right away..

Saturday, April 2, 2011

saturday night used to be alright


what happened to Saturday nights? i remember wittenberg university used to party.. they are not partiers anymore.. what happened? i remember me and my girlfriends used to just party hop and get the free keg beer from at least 4 or 5 houses before we got to the bar at 10 pm.. and that was sometimes too late to arrive at the bar.. what happened? is the economy? or is it that wittenberg university hates us? or does the students who go there really think studying all day and night is the cool thing to do?


i am not bashing college at all.. its suppose to be the best time of your life..meaning drinking, partying and other things ill let you use your imagination... but come on people.. drink.. and don't binge drink... social drink then get drunk... now kegs are not aloud on campus, and the faculty at witt is basically Nazis.... students, skip your morning class, go in hungover or even still drunk.. its college ... and please stop bitching about a $2.25 shot.. because that is cheap....

first blog ever!!!!

This is my first blog i have ever done... so lets not pass judgment on me... i am kim. my main job is serving beers.... yes the glorious job of being a bartender. i will admit it does have its perks, but it also has its downs.... so this is my blog. i may vent, i may gloat, who knows.. but i hope it is enjoyable. i actually work for my boyfriends family. yes a family business. which also has its ups and downs... i have been there for about 2 and a half years. but before that i was of course a regular to that bar. so its no surprise i would eventually work there. i actually worked there before i got with the boy toy. and then one thing led to another.. ok you know where it goes from there!!!! keep looking .. and ill update frequently!!! xoxo